Confronting My Fear of Money

Money – From A Woman’s Perspective

I am delighted to be writing a weekly blog for The Money Case

A fear named is a fear gained.

Money was something I was always afraid of. Something I would not touch with a ten foot pole. In other words, in my household, money had been an unspoken taboo subject. Although I contribute financially, and my spouse and I have joint bank accounts, I held no bank card, no pin number, never looked at the monthly bank statements so I had no idea about the amount of money that was coming in or going out. I never even paid attention to my monthly pay stubs. I had absolved all financial responsibility.

Mind you I always made sure that I carried a quarter in my purse in the event I had to use the public telephone, although I recently discovered, to my chagrin, that the cost to make a call had increased by one hundred percent which was unwelcome news when I needed to call for a ride one afternoon. I ended up walking ten blocks in minus thirty degree weather all because of that missing quarter.

I take full responsibility for my suffering.

I have been consciously trying for the last two years to confront this demon of mine. I have read, and continue to read self-help books because I desperately needed to find the root cause of this fear I had for money.

It is a long story and I will spare you the gory details but I am happy to say that I finally became aware of the fact that my approach to money comes from a place of lack and limitation. Epiphany!

I realized that all of my actions and subsequent experiences pointed to this mind-set of scarcity, and that was the reason why I chose to be oblivious about my finances. I preferred to remain in denial because if I took responsibility I thought that knowing would signal the death of my financial life. That there would be no money left, and the idea of replenishment never entered my mind. No doubt, I was attached to an illusion.

I delved deeply into my childhood years and found a huge cobweb. From there I extricated myself from its stranglehold and started to carefully analyze every decision that I made concerning money, being absolutely, and painfully honest with myself. I begin to observe the motivations behind each decision and/or action. I discovered patterns reoccurring year after year.

Once I confronted the reasons for my fear of money I realized that I had to own my financial life. What is our combined income? What are our expenses, is there enough money to meet all of our financial needs. And that is when I became conscious of the fact that we did not have a written budget, everything was in my spouse’s head. No wonder he's losing his hair.

Oh well, I am happy to say that The Money Case is the tool that has helped me focus and understand our finances. I have taken on this responsibility in our household, and I am learning the principles and benefits of budgeting personal finances. I am thoroughly enjoying using this tool, and I am actually having fun with my financial affairs. And now I keep two quarters in my purse. I feel empowered; I feel free, and I sense a definite growth in my on-going awareness. I am in control of my money, and not visa versa. Whoa, that is a major shift in my personal development.

Enjoy your week, and see you again here at The Money Case next Tuesday.

Debra